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the implication that focusing on the good things Married older women ready hot sex mature women for sex means ignoring the bad doesn't sit well with me. and i guess that helps me to explain my own answer to the second question. i think that good does beget good. i think a positive chain reaction can keep going indefinitely. that makes me happy to think. and i think bad can be affected by good, and that people with good intentions need to be aware of bad things in order for change to happen. i think that bad most often does create more bad. but ultimately, people have the choice to create their reality. as far as one part of your answer, "And I just don't get a world where you're considered a horrible person for saying what you're thinking directly to someone's face, but sneaking around talking crap to everyone behind their back is considered okay." i think that is a highly subjective example of badness being prevalent. telling someone what you're thinking DOESN'T (i don't know how to use italics in here) make you a horrible person. if anything, it shows that you have a stronger grasp on reality than those around you, and a more courageous and realistic approach to living. the fact that they would prefer to sneak around and share what they think with uninvolved parties tells me not that they are bad, but that they are. and that they would make you feel like a bad person for your own honest behavior, tells me that your courage frightens them. axtx brought that up. maybe what is construed as malevolence is often just fear. there are some really thoughtful answers on here. Adult wants sex Lottsburg Virginia 22511 Women want sex Bennett North Carolina
Divorced women looking fucking dating Seaford how far along the survivor is in the healing process. The more burdened she feels by her history, the greater an impact it'll have on the relationship; regardless, both people deal with what they in their relationship, and if the partner is hurt and confused by the survivor's behaviour, that's the partner's responsibility to deal with. The survivor does not have the responsibility to disclose or feel responsible for the sure failure of the relationship. We are responsible for our own feelings. It's nice to feel like you're creating a safe space where you wish your partner "share" her "life changing" and "traumatizing" experiences with you. But the partner's job is not to help her beloved process traumatizing experiences. That's a qualified therapist's job. The partner's job is to witness, and support, should the survivor feel she wants to share. Honestly, I don't think the partner has any right to feel affronted or dissapointed or not trusted if the survivor doesn't feel like "sharing." I think another thing I'm responding strongly to is the defining of the survivor by her trauma. It's like saying anyone who has been assaulted in a particular way is forever marked by that experience and she isn't. We are not *just* the sum of our experiences, we're also the product of our choices. And every survivor has the right to choose how she processes and moves on from her experiences. I really hear what you're saying, Bogey, I understand that you believe that a partner must create a place of trust where the other can feel safe enough to communicate anything and everything that affects their relationship. I agree that place of trust has to be there for two people to come together as a team. However, once that place of trust is established, there is no "right way" to utilize it. The partner must trust the survivor to communicate things that are relevant to the dynamic of the relationship, and the partner must also trust the survivor to make the of *what* is relevant, and respect her judgement and her space. The survivor's choice to share or not is her , and her choice does not say anything about the partner or the relationship at all.