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Divorced women looking fucking dating Seaford how far along the survivor is in the healing process. The more burdened she feels by her history, the greater an impact it'll have on the relationship; regardless, both people deal with what they in their relationship, and if the partner is hurt and confused by the survivor's behaviour, that's the partner's responsibility to deal with. The survivor does not have the responsibility to disclose or feel responsible for the sure failure of the relationship. We are responsible for our own feelings. It's nice to feel like you're creating a safe space where you wish your partner "share" her "life changing" and "traumatizing" experiences with you. But the partner's job is not to help her beloved process traumatizing experiences. That's a qualified therapist's job. The partner's job is to witness, and support, should the survivor feel she wants to share. Honestly, I don't think the partner has any right to feel affronted or dissapointed or not trusted if the survivor doesn't feel like "sharing." I think another thing I'm responding strongly to is the defining of the survivor by her trauma. It's like saying anyone who has been assaulted in a particular way is forever marked by that experience and she isn't. We are not *just* the sum of our experiences, we're also the product of our choices. And every survivor has the right to choose how she processes and moves on from her experiences. I really hear what you're saying, Bogey, I understand that you believe that a partner must create a place of trust where the other can feel safe enough to communicate anything and everything that affects their relationship. I agree that place of trust has to be there for two people to come together as a team. However, once that place of trust is established, there is no "right way" to utilize it. The partner must trust the survivor to communicate things that are relevant to the dynamic of the relationship, and the partner must also trust the survivor to make the of *what* is relevant, and respect her judgement and her space. The survivor's choice to share or not is her , and her choice does not say anything about the partner or the relationship at all.
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